What happens when I drink short black coffee after having quit coffee for 6 months

My manic insane funny spirit is done and there is only pain and sadness left as the coffee effects slowly wear off. Typing on phone is awful for me but I'll try my best to avoid typos. Having listened to BFMY for 4 hours probably contributed heavily to this state of being for me.

I have always been an awful fiction writer but I always had interest in it when I was younger right until I found fighting games, then I just quit it for some reason that I am not sure of. During this time I came up with lots of concepts and wrote a lot of short stories and attempted lots of long stories episodically, and a fair chunk of those were posted onto a blog that has now been removed entirely from the internet due to it being comprised of depression fueled by teenage hormones. One such concept that took birth way before all this was a fictional universe of "Y-men", so called because their entire concept art designed by this abject failure of a masculine being was based around turning a capital Y upside down, the bottom two lines being the legs, and drawing a face near the top.

I was never much of an artist. They probably looked worse when I was younger, if such a lack of artistic capability is imaginable.

 

 

 

 

The idea spawned after one of my weekly assessments that occured during middle school was done, as I waited for the allotted time to be over. My ideas expanded time I could revisit the idea every week for about a month - there were more evil looking Y-Men fighting brave Y-Soldiers, with jagged bloody teeth and blasters, as the soldiers had measly swords, an original concept no doubt. After a month, I took one of my spare notebooks and turned it into a dedicated Y-Men book, one that would specifically exist for stories in the Y-Men universe and expounding upon the lore that encapsulates it. I think at my creative peak with the idea, the Y-planet that was shaped like a cube had a hive mind that connected to every Y-person - yes there were Y-women, no I do not remember how my 12 year old self drew them - so crime did not exist because the hive mind magically realised that one Y-person hurting another for their own means did not help the species evolve, and if any Y-person was distressed in a way they could not fix, anyone else with the means to do so, could. There were about 8 mini stories written about individual Y-people and how important their jobs were, ranging from a mundane tax department worker to a scientist in a team whose primary job was to find ways to better the species.

I was about to finish the first part of a fairly riveting tale of the Y-planet about to be attacked by an unknown force - which really only meant that I hadn't decided if it would be an electromagnetic pulse that would detach every Y-person from the hive mind and the collapse of the Y-civilisation, or being attacked by savage distant genetic cousins of Y-people, the 'savages' from the previous ideas and how they struggle and probably fail to save the hive mind from being consumed by said 'savages', perhaps literally - was put on indefinite hiatus for a reason that now evades my memory. Had I just lost the creative fire that I gained in short bursts to another difficult weekly examination? Had I lost the book? Whatever the case, Y-men ceased to exist as a growing idea with deep roots within my psyche with a bang, not with a whimper, mirroring how it had hatched.

I think such universe creation was good to develop my English skills, as I wrote them entirely in English, but it also helped me create a fantasy to try to escape my middle school bullying that I had given up all hope on ending. I do not really know if it was good for me or not , and I highly doubt that the thought of re-developing such an idea and building it from the ground up, illustrations and all, would be something that could catch hold in me for long enough for me to give the series a satisfying finish. Talking about it on a blog that I do not care to promote does give me closure though, if for anything to tire me enough to where I want to sleep. It was a pretty fun concept to work with and some day I'd like to revisit it.

Perhaps.

I don't know why anyone would read this at all but if you read this you're going to reach the end of this post as soon as I am done rambling and posting awful self-deprecating bad jokes.